


Casting Their Ballot For Eternity

by Bal3xicon



Series: Casting Their Ballot for Eternity [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Raven x Abby, doctor mechanic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-06-05 09:51:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6700093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bal3xicon/pseuds/Bal3xicon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of Doctor/Mechanic one-shots based on Tumblr prompts. Each chapter will be based on a different prompt, so unless otherwise stated they won't be connected. M rating is for future prompts/chapters. Abby/Raven romantically paired in each chapter, additional pairing from the show mentioned from time to time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: It's not what it looks like.

**Enough  
**

"Abby!" Raven walked as fast as she could down the corridor. Her limp was still evident with the new brace, but she had much greater support. Abby had stormed off up ahead without even a glance over her shoulder. Raven kept walking and when she caught up to Abby she grabbed her by the elbow. Abby threw her arm back, turning to look at Raven, her jaw clenched.

Raven could see tears streaming down Abby's cheeks, her chin creased from trying to hold onto what little was left of her composure.

"Abby-" Raven whispered the name, the syllables sticking in the back of her throat as she reached her hand towards Abby's cheek. "It's not what it looked like."

"Don't you dare touch me." Abby spat the words, voice wavering, and brought a hand to her mouth as a new wave of tears overtook her.

Raven was taken aback. When Abby had walked into the workshop Raven had been seated on the bench top, arms wrapped around Wick's neck, his hands on her hips as he stood between her legs. What Abby couldn't possibly see from her place at the door was the new brace Wick had constructed for her. He had just finished adjusting it before Abby walked in, poised to lift Raven from the bench and lower her down so as not to place unnecessary pressure on her leg with the new brace now secured.

"Abby, listen to me." Raven pleaded, heart hammering in her chest. "Wick has been working on this for weeks, look." She gestured to her leg, forehead creased with concern.

Abby took a breath, looking down at the brace which fit lower on Raven's thigh and had greater support around the knee. A pained smile formed on Raven's face as she awaited Abby's response, the reaction altogether unlike anything she'd ever seen from Abby in the past. She wasn't the jealous type. Nobody had time for wasted worries or misinterpreted feelings at the camp.

"So, the brace is new." Abby folded her arms, shrugging her shoulders. She was unwilling to back down, but made no attempts to move.

"Is that all you have to say, Abby. What can I do to prove to you that there's nothing between me and Wick?" Raven felt tears stinging her own eyes. Abby looked at her with a type of anger she'd never witnessed in the woman before.

"Bellamy saw you two, Raven. He told me. You don't get to lie to my face about this." Several members of the guard turned to look at them from their post near the Council meeting room up ahead.

"Bellamy is an asshole, Abby." Raven stepped closer to her girlfriend, lowering her voice so as not to draw any more attention. "Did you know he and I fucked when I first got here? I've probably never mentioned it because it was so insignificant in the scheme of everything else we have going on here, but you know what? He did this to Wick, too. Told him he'd seen me with Monroe. He's an asshole, Abby. He's trying to hurt me, but you know what hurts more? This." Raven gestured in the space between them.

"Screw it, Abby. I love you, but if you think I would do anything with Wick or anyone else, then you don't know me at all." Raven turned back in the direction of the workshop, the new brace helping her to take bigger strides without feeling as though she might fall.

* * *

 

Raven worked for hours, ignoring Wick's suggestions to eat, ignoring Sinclair's carefully chosen words proposing she try to speak with Abby again. She couldn't see the point. Even if Abby decided she believed her, the fact that she'd doubted her at all left Raven completely devastated. Abby was stubborn as hell, something they both had in common, but she'd given her a chance to back down and Abby had chosen not to take it.

When Wick came in, trying to hide the fact that he was nursing a swollen hand, she heard he and Sinclair arguing about letting people fight their own battles. Head pounding, Raven left the workshop to find something to drink to take the edge off her sadness, and the rage she felt building inside her.

Taking a seat at the bar she asked for a drink and threw back its contents far too quickly. The liquid burned her throat on its way down adding new discomfort to the growing list of things fueling her misery. When Bellamy walked in, the left side of his face a perfect match for Wick's injured right fist, she stood from her spot at the bar not trusting herself to be in the same space as him.

Her lack of food combined with the Moonshine to make her grip the bar for balance before leading off with her good leg, taking purposeful steps towards the other exit.

"Raven, wait." Bellamy called out to her, and she could hear him rushing to catch up with her as she tried to quicken her steps. Gripping her elbow the same way she had gripped Abby's earlier in the day, he stopped her in her tracks. Raven flung her arm back, hitting him in the stomach with force and causing him to groan.

"Fuck off Bellamy. You've already worn someones fist today because you're a pathetic shit. Go and find another relationship to fuck up."

Raven made to walk off again but he caught her arm once more. Raven didn't have time to react as Abby appeared from behind Bellamy, pushing a hand against his chest and forcing him away from Raven.

"Get your hands off her. You've done enough." Abby's eyes were filled with resentment. "I don't know what you're playing at, but you clearly need help."

Bellamy stared at her, running a hand threw his hair before glancing between Abby and Raven. He opened his mouth to say something before thinking better of it, ducking his head as if it would reduce his height as he walked between them.

Abby's jaw was clenched and her brow furrowed as she stood staring at Raven. Without knowing what changed Abby's mind, or why it had taken her the best part of the day to come to the realization that Bellamy was wrong, Raven remained silent. When Abby didn't jump to fill the space with an apology or some kind of explanation, Raven stormed off out of the room. Heading towards the sleeping quarters which still housed some of her belongings, but which she hadn't slept in for months, Raven made it most of the way down the corridor before she heard Abby following behind her.

"Raven, we need to talk." Abby ran to catch up with her, coming to a stop a few feet ahead. "Please." Abby gestured with both hands before letting them hang limply at her sides.

"What is there to say, Abby?" Raven stood, hands on hips, wishing for the burn of another drink to distract her from the feeling that her heart was in her throat. She clenched her own jaw as she tried to stop herself from appearing emotional in front of Abby. Moving aside Raven tried to walk past her.

Abby stepped closer to her and brought up a hand to place on Raven's shoulder but stopped short, pushing her hands into the pockets of her jeans instead.

"I'm so sorry." She shook her head and bit down on her lower lip as her chin began to crease again. "I don't know why I let Bellamy get to me. When he said he'd seen the two of you together I laughed in his face, but then when I walked in and saw you with your arms around him, my mind when into overdrive. I'm sorry, Raven, I'm so sorry."

Tears filled Abby's eyes as she pleaded, silently, for Raven to say something in response. Running a hand over her hair she shrugged and the tears began to fall.

"I messed up, Raven, and now I don't know how to fix this."

Regardless of how hurt Raven had been about Abby's assumptions, it hurt just as much to see the woman she loved standing there in pain. Abby put her hands on her hips, trying steady her breaths.

"I love you, Abby. You're the only person I want to be with. You're the only person I've thought about since the first time we kissed. I care about Wick, he's a good friend-" she tapped her brace for emphasis, "-and we have a short history of being something more than that, but it was over between us long before I fell in love with you."

Abby nodded, wiping at the tears which were now streaming down her face.

"I know it seemed like I was doubting you, but I was really doubting me." Abby bit her lip and ran her hand over her hair again, taking a breath before continuing. "I worry sometimes that I'm not enough, that you deserve someone younger and less reserved, someone who isn't me. I love you, Raven, so much, and that scares the life out of me." Abby covered her mouth to suppress a sob and Raven felt her heart breaking, the space between them far too great as Abby fell apart before her. Raven stepped forward and rested her arms around Abby's neck, kissing her forehead and then her cheeks as her tears continued to fall.

"I love you, Abby. If I knew how to say it differently so you'd hear me more clearly, I would. I love you and you're more than enough. You're too much sometimes-" she teased, resting her forehead against Abby's and bringing a hand to Abby's cheek to wipe away her tears, a small smile forming on her girlfriend's face "-you're everything."

Abby kissed Raven slowly, with no concern for the hoard of people who filled the corridor headed for the mess hall at the end of their shift. Abby whispered apologies and promises against Raven's lips in the dimly lit corridor, and Raven reached for Abby's hand, pressing it to her chest. She wanted Abby to remember this. Raven wanted Abby to feel the way love sounded inside her chest.


	2. Decades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Something about them exploring the scars on each other's bodies

**Decades**

"What about this one?" Raven ghosts the pad of her index finger over a small scar above Abby's elbow. They've been playing at this game for an hour or more, getting snapshots of each other's lives, as children, as teenagers, as the people they were before they met.

Abby smiles through gritted teeth. So many of the scars on her body were acquired through clumsiness, through rushing when she should have been careful. Raven laughs, intrigued to hear the next story, a new one she can store and tease Abby about at a later time.

"Okay, this one is possibly the most embarrassing. I don't think you want to know about it really. There are-" Abby hesitates, running her tongue across her lower lip as she searches for the most appropriate word, "- _visuals_ -" she offers up, her voice tentative, "-there are certain _visuals_ involved in telling you about this one which I don't think you would necessarily appreciate, let's put it that way."

Raven pulls herself closer to Abby as they lay on their sides. Leaning over, she kisses her way from Abby's shoulder to the scar, running her tongue along the length of it before following the same path back up and kissing Abby on the lips.

"Abs, if you're telling me this scar is a sex injury, I'm even more interested in hearing about it. You wouldn't get injured with me,of course, I'm just too good-" Abby scoffs at Raven's cocky attitude, and Raven places a finger to Abby's lips before she continues, "- _but_ I want to know all about the clumsy fucker who allowed you to hurt yourself when they had a much more important job to be doing."

Abby laughs, the type of laugh which begins in her stomach and causes her whole body to shake. Pushing Raven onto her back, Abby rolls on top of her and kisses her before responding.

"Okay, you asked for it. For starters, _I_ was the clumsy fucker, okay? Let's just clear that right up. Secondly, the fact that I _don't_ have scars from having sex with you is a miracle in its own right, and it sure isn't because you're not doing your job properly." Abby winks at Raven who beams with all the pride of someone who still needs to have her ego stroked despite being exceptionally smug about her own abilities.

"So this happened maybe the second or third time I had sex with Jake." Raven rolls her eyes at Abby's mention of her late husband and Abby sighs. "Do you want me to tell you or not?"

"Yes, yes, continue. I'll bleach my brain later."

"Okay," Abby smiles, "-so it was all kind of new to me and of course I'd seen a few movies where couples changed their position while they were in the act-"

"You mean fucking, just say it, Abby." Raven smirks, aware of the change in Abby's voice when she uses the word in context, aware that Abby knows exactly what it does to her to hear it.

Abby shakes her head, her grin lighting up her whole face and making it nearly impossible for Raven to allow her to keep talking, especially with their bodies pressed together, Abby settled between Raven's legs.

"So, I'd seen movies in which couples changed positions while they were _fucking_ …and I thought I could give it a go. Unfortunately for both Jake and me, I have zero spatial awareness, as you know, and in trying to roll him over I launched myself off the bed and caught my arm on a screw on the bunk."

This time it's Raven's turn to burst out laughing. She can feel tears in her eyes and her ribs hurt from trying to move with Abby pressed against her.

"You cut yourself open on a screw while you were fucking. A screw, Abby, really? You screwed yourself on a screw while you were screwing?"

Abby dissolves into a fit of laughter, rolling off Raven to clutch her stomach and wipe tears from her own eyes.

"I guess the bed had a screw loose." Abby rasps, and they laugh again, Raven's tears pooling at her ears against the pillow.

"So there I was, half way through _fucking_ my boyfriend and instead of gracefully moving us around, I was spread out naked on the freezing cold floor, covered in blood."

Raven shakes her head and reaches to pull Abby back on top of her, the last of her laughter a sigh in the back of her throat. Rubbing her hands up and down Abby's sides, Raven smiles at the hint of blush in Abby's cheeks and pulls her down to kiss her slowly.

"Is that it?" She asks through kisses. "Is that all of them?"

Raven's hands move to stroke Abby's back when her fingers find the scars they don't talk about. Abby's smile fades instantly, something like fear passing through her eyes, and Raven feels sick at the chill which travels down her own spine.

"Abby, I didn't-"

Abby places a finger to Raven's lips and shakes her head.

"It's okay, babe. I know you didn't mean to. I think that's all, though. It's all the ones you didn't know about." Abby musters up a smile which doesn't quite reach her eyes, and Raven's chest hurts from the jolt they both felt in that moment. The pull from bliss back to reality.

"I love you." Raven's hands are frozen at Abby's sides now, and she tries to swallow her mistake, the bad timing which saw the light disappear from Abby's eyes, but she can't move the thickness in the base of her throat.

Abby reaches a hand to clasp Raven's, lifting it to place it against her back once more. She repeats the action on the other side, but still Raven is afraid to move her fingers, afraid to trace those scars again.

"I love you, too. This is _okay_ , Raven. We're _okay_. We have _this_ because of all of that. All the ones that we don't talk about brought us here." Abby taps her finger against Raven's chest, directly above her heart.

Raven feels tears slipping down her face for a different reason now, meeting with the tears of joy which soaked into the fabric of the pillow. Wrapping her arms around Abby's back, she pulls Abby into her.

"When we're old and grey and people ask me what I remember most, it's not going to be any of that, Raven. It's going to be you." Abby places her hands against each side of Raven's head and wipes at the tears, drying her skin and kissing each of her temples.

"And when they ask you what you remember most, you'll probably have to tell them about the injuries you sustained from having sex with such a clumsy fucker for all those years." Abby grins at the sight of a smile reforming on Raven's face, and Raven feels a warmth in her chest at the look in Abby's eye which tells her they'll be all right.

"All those years, huh?" Raven smirks at the bashful look which forms on Abby's face at her mention of the word.

Abby shrugs.

"Decades." Abby's eyebrows knit together for the briefest of moments, as if she feels the word was a risk. "Please?"

Raven takes a deep breath, her heart thumping against her chest, the lump in her throat gone. Smoothing her hands over Abby's back, coasting over the torture etched into her lover's skin, Raven thinks about a future where each is a distant memory, like the time before they met.

"At least." Raven nods her head, her eyes fixed to Abby's. "How many decades are there in forever?"


	3. Absence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: I can't believe you talked me into this.

**Absence**

Raven spent the entire cab ride to Abby's place trying to ignore the nerves which were stirring in the pit of her stomach. The plane ride had been longer than she remembered,four months since she'd made the trip, but only three weeks since Abby had visited her.

The cab's headlights illuminated street signs in the dark, each one bringing her closer to the place where the biggest part of her heart had resided now for so long. Crossing her good leg over her brace, she folded her hands in her lap and tried to feign composure, tried to concentrate on anything other than arriving on Abby's doorstep unannounced. She watched the meter illuminate dollars and cents, money the least of her worries even though this whim had cost her plenty.

When Abby's street sign came into view, the driver making a right hand turn into the street, Raven's heart began to race inside her chest. Too many what ifs. That was what she was here to resolve, after all. Tipping the driver she grabbed her suitcase and climbed out of the car. She was cold as she stood on the curb, the red cropped jacket she'd thrown on over her tank top not enough to block the chill in the night air. Raven couldn't get her feet to cooperate, frozen to the spot, she looked for signs of life in Abby's house. The movement of curtains illuminated the path for the briefest of moments.

Wheeling her suitcase over damp leaves, which had lost their crunch in the evening dew, she stood at the bottom of Abby's porch. Her grip on the handle of her suitcase caused her wrist to ache. Taking a breath, she picked up the case and walked the two steps to Abby's front door.

A firm knock broke into the silence of the night around her and she swallowed against the rising tide of nerves which threatened to overtake her. Footsteps clicked down the hall, stopping on the other side of the door as Abby fiddled with the chain lock and key.

Raven had to stop from launching herself at Abby, her girlfriend's face cycling through shock, joy, and confusion before settling somewhere among all three.

"Raven." Abby breathed her name like the math didn't add up, like she couldn't say it too loud in case she was wrong. "Why are you…come in, come in. Here, give me that." Abby reached for Raven's suitcase, taking it from her hands and holding the door open allowing Raven to slip past and into the warmth of the house.

As soon as Abby closed the front door and set the case down in the entryway, Raven's hands were on Abby's cheeks. A smile full of confusion overtook Abby's face, brow furrowed as she leaned in to kiss Raven. There was nothing desperate about the kiss, nothing frantic, but it knocked Raven off balance. Stepping back, she felt her body meet the wall.

Abby held her there, one hand on Raven's hip, the other resting against her neck. Raven felt drunk. Eight hours where she was barely able to eat and a half hour in the cab where her stomach told her it was a bad idea was all too much.

"God, I've missed you." Abby pulled back enough to utter the words before kissing Raven again, first on the lips, and then on the forehead. "I've missed you so much."

"That's why I had to come. I couldn't wait another nine weeks, Abby. These three without you have been torture-" Raven stopped, hearing her voice crack well before she was ready to start the speech she'd planned, well before Abby scolded her for wasting money and taking off work to be with her.

Taking her by the hand, Abby, guided Raven over to the couch, tucking up a leg to sit sideways, to be able to pull Raven into her.

"Why didn't you call?" Abby traced her fingers over Raven's cheek and along her jaw as though she were checking Raven were real.

"I didn't think, Abby. I haven't thought for days. Sinclair found me at work and I was a complete mess and he drove me home, waited while I packed a bag, and drove me to the airport." Raven's felt tears stinging at the backs of her eyes, the warmth of Abby's arms encircling her were overwhelming.

"It was harder leaving you this time. So much harder, but I don't know how to fix it, Raven. We both love our jobs. You wouldn't be you without that job. We wouldn't have even met if you worked elsewhere or did something else." Abby shifted on the couch to allow Raven to stretch both legs over Abby's lap. She took care to remove Raven's brace before placing it beside them, her hands moving to massage the points she knew ached at the end of each day.

"When you walked into the conference that day, I mean, I'd never been more attentive. I could have repeated what you said verbatim and still written poetry about the way you wore that suit." Abby quirked an eyebrow, their memories taking the edge off Raven's emotions.

"You happily feigned ignorance when you asked me about it at that cocktail party later." Raven reached for Abby's other hands, linking their fingers together.

"I couldn't believe that such a beautiful woman, who was also clearly the most intelligent person in the room, would be standing off in a corner by herself. I wasn't _feigning_ ignorance, I lost my ability to construct sentences when you smiled at me." Raven grinned at Abby's words. "See, you look at me like that and I need to check my driver's licence so I know my own name."

Raven laughed.

With Abby still massaging a hand around the base of her knee, Raven leaned forward to kiss Abby once more. It had been almost two years since she had first done so, since Abby asked Raven to have dinner with her the night after the cocktail party and Raven responded by leaning in and placing a kiss to Abby's cheek. She had felt Abby sigh before placing a hand to her cheek and kissing her lips. When they left the party together, Abby saying later she was sure Raven was going to take her back to her hotel, Raven walked Abby the short distance to the docks.

" _Have dinner with me tonight, instead." Raven smiled at Abby, eyes full of mischief, and Abby felt torn, but couldn't bring herself to say no to the woman._

" _What if someone notices we've left the party?" Abby was distracted by the way Raven's thumb grazed the back of her hand as they spoke._

" _What if they do? There'll be others, this partnership between my university and your hospital is a done deal, Doctor Griffin, there are going to be plenty more cocktail parties in our future._

_Without another word, Raven took Abby's hand and walked her across a short bridge which led to a fish punt on the water._

" _Tomorrow night I'll take you somewhere fancy, but right now I just need something to counteract all the alcohol in my system. I didn't feel drunk until I kissed you back there." Raven winked, and Abby blushed._

" _You're something else, Raven Reyes. I can't believe you've talked me into this."_

"I don't know how to do this anymore, Abby. The distance, being so far apart from you for so long, I feel sick." Raven could see tears welling in Abby's eyes now and she reached forward to smooth her thumb over Abby's skin, eliciting a smile which was so feint she wondered if it had been there at all.

"Just tell me you haven't come all this way to break up with me." Abby sounded like a young child, afraid, a plea in her voice which was entirely unfamiliar.

Raven gripped Abby's hand tighter as she saw Abby's tears threatening to spill over. Reaching into her pocket she produced a small box, a box which had sat in the drawer of her nightstand throughout the week of Abby's last visit, which sat open, staring at her the day Abby left and Raven kicked herself for having been too afraid to ask the question.

"Abby, I love you. I know living on opposite sides of the country is ridiculous, we've spent more time apart in two years than we've spent together. But I love you, and I want to marry you, Abby. I should probably get down on one knee, but I don't trust myself to stand right now."

Tears trailed down Abby's cheeks. Wrapping an arm around Raven's neck, she pulled Raven closer, holding her tightly. She whispered I love yous against Raven's ear and Raven felt her heart double in size, inside her chest.

"I don't know how we make this work, Raven. I can't ask you to leave your job, and I know you'd never ask me to leave mine, but I love you and I want to be with you. I want to marry you, Raven."

Raven removed the ring from the box and took Abby's hand. Raven slid the ring over Abby's finger, the one she wore years before still hanging on a chain around her neck.

"You've never asked me, you know." Raven smoothed her hands over Abby's where they rested in her lap, and toyed with the ring on Abby's finger.

"To marry me?" Abby appeared as confused as she had been at Raven's arrival, a smile despite her furrowed brow.

"To move. You've never asked me to move." Raven let her words sit, Abby's face deciding between hopeful and concerned.

"But you're a professor there, Raven. What other college would allow you to continue in that role and run a program at that level. It's the only one of its kind in the country." Abby had settled on concern now, her thumb shifting her new ring in circles around her finger.

"I'd still be a professor if I packed groceries at the market, Abby." Raven joked, feeling high from Abby's acceptance of her proposal, and on the decisions she was making as they spoke, her last conversation with Sinclair coming together in her mind. "What if I build a new program right here? What if I start from scratch? You're already using our technology in your hospital. After my lecture you guys ran with it and managed to work it into every department. What if we start from there?"

Abby chewed her bottom lip, concern still evident in her eyes, but Raven was sure she could see a hint of a smile forming on Abby's lips.

"Can you take a leave of absence and return to Seattle if this doesn't get off the ground?"

Raven nodded.

"So it can be a temporary arrangement and if you're not entirely happy you'll be able to go back to doing exactly what you love?" Abby's voice was now hopeful with only the smallest hint of concern.

Raven beamed, nodding again.

"I'm not asking you to move, okay. I won't do that. I also won't make you stay. But, Raven, if this works, I'll be the happiest woman on earth." Abby's mouth broke open into the most stunning smile Raven had ever seen.

Relief moved through Raven's veins like a drug. Launching herself forward Raven captured Abby's lips with her own and kissed her like it had been more than three weeks. The tears had been worth it, the nerves had been worth it, and Raven knew, despite Abby's concerns, that moving her life across the country to be with the woman she loved would also be worth it.


	4. Risk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Don't you dare die on me

**Risk**

Raven paced the floor of the medical bay, cringing with each step as pain shot through her hip. She couldn’t sit down. She’d been sitting for days. The group who had gone on the supply run to Mt Weather were five hours late, and Raven felt responsible. Abby had insisted she join the crew Kane was sending out, desperate for more medical supplies, desperate for anything she could get her hands on to alleviate Raven’s discomfort. Abby was five hours late.

For the first hour Raven had sat hunched over her sketch book, throwing her anxiety into drawing after drawing of a new outer wall, a better defence against the unknown. She kept pushing aside the thought that nearly everyone who mattered most, nearly everyone she loved, was already on the wrong side. For the next two hours she worked with Wick on an idea to modify her brace, convincing herself that if the idea worked she could head out with the search party Bellamy was putting together. There was no chance. The modification didn’t work, and all the fiddling, the unstrapping, the re-strapping, all of the adjustments, made the pain more acute. She didn’t tell Wick.

When Bellamy set out four hours after Abby’s crew had been due to return, Sinclair and Octavia with them, Raven watched as four of the original members of the hundred and four guards marched towards the gate, heavily armed. She spent an hour perched in one of the towers, Wick climbing it with her to catch her if her leg gave way, binoculars scanning every inch of land. Raven watched the rescue crew until she was unable to make out their jackets among the trees, until they were so far beyond Arcadia that their movement was undetected as they searched the landscape.

When the cold set in, Raven could barely move. She bit back tears as she was forced to give in, forced to admit she needed help, clinging pathetically to Wick’s back, arms wrapped around his shoulders, and letting him take her to the ground. Once his feet hit the dirt, she insisted she was fine to walk, turning away from him before her face contorted with the pain, before he could see she was as useless as she felt.

Jackson insisted she take a bed when she arrived back in medical, teeth clenched, each breath sharp and timed with her bad leg meeting the ground. She couldn’t tell him that the pain in her hip cancelled out the pain in her chest and the thoughts in her head. She couldn’t explain that she needed to feel because if Sinclair and Octavia and Abby didn’t return, the numbness would overtake her. Raven could taste it on the back of her tongue, the memory of loss, the memory of being alone.

Abby was five hours late.

“You love her, don’t you?” Jackson’s hand rested against her lower back as she pressed her hands into the thin mattress on one of the beds, arms rigid as she dug her nails into the white sheet. She hung her head, in shame and frustration and despair, at the tears she could no longer fight.

She nodded in lieu of words, knowing anything she said would be incoherent, her breaths ragged. Jackson’s voice was gentle in her ears. Too gentle. The one person in Arcadia who had spent as much time with Abby as Raven had herself, sounded so much like the woman she loved. The hand which rubbed soothing circles against her back could have been Abby’s. It had been, so many times before.

Jackson caught her as she fell. Exhaustion and fear exacerbating the pain and causing both legs to give way at once. He helped her onto the bed and offered to give her something to knock her out, forcing her to rest.

“No. Please don’t. Promise me. I need her to be okay, and I need to be awake if she is. I need her, Jackson.” Raven rolled onto her side and wrapped her arms around her torso. She used the calming tone of Jackson’s voice to measure her breaths.

“I know, I know, I know.”

 

* * *

 

It was light when Raven stirred. The sounds of commotion at the gates startled her from dreams in which she was looking for Abby, trees blurring as she ran on two good legs, nothing holding her back. Jackson was at her side the moment she sat up. She grabbed her hip as another sharp pain shot through it, her limbs stiff from the tension of holding herself together over night.

The commotion came closer, and as Jackson rushed from the medical bay, eyes wide, Raven stood on her toes, straining to see through the window above her. Octavia riding high upon a horse was all she could make out, and she swallowed the relief that one of her loved ones was okay.

Bellamy was the first to appear in the doorway, arm around Sinclair’s waist, helping him as he limped into the room, pants torn and stained with blood. Jackson followed them, glancing over his shoulder and rushing to prepare a tray of instruments beside the empty bed to the right of Raven’s.

“Jackson?” Her voice was a question and a warning all in one. It was a threat which exclaimed that if she wasn’t told something she was going to explode.

“I know I can’t make you leave, Raven, but I don’t think you should be here right now.” His eyes widened as Octavia and Nyko entered the room a moment before Lincoln, Abby’s body limp in his arms. Jackson looked at Octavia. “She needs you right now.” He pointed past Octavia to where Raven rose from the bed and Octavia wrapped her arms around her friend, stopping her from crossing the room.

“It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be o-“ Raven glimpsed Abby over Octavia’s shoulder and couldn’t contain the cry which rang out from her throat. She tried to move, but Octavia’s hold was firm. “Raven, I need you to stay here with me, let them do their job.”

Raven stopped struggling. She allowed Octavia to sit beside her, arms holding her still. She looked on as Nyko and Jackson worked with their backs to her. The two men passed instruments and gauze like they had rehearsed the procedure together, like they were from the same world instead of the two which had collided.

“Don’t you dare die on me, Abby. Don’t you dare.” Raven’s voice sounded like that of a child, Octavia the only one to hear her pleas over the commotion. Bellamy and Lincoln were working to clean Sinclair’s wounds, both talking over the top of each other in what Raven assumed was an argument with hours to its name.

The sound of Abby groaning tore through Raven’s chest like a knife, and Octavia was unable to hold her back as she launched forward, circling the other bed. Ignoring instructions from Jackson, Raven moved to see Abby, gasping at the shock of pale skin and hair matted by dirt, blood, and sweat.

Abby’s eyes were wide with fear despite the pain which furrowed her brow. Raven took a moment to survey the extent of Abby’s injuries. There were gashes on her body which were still exposed, each one being cleaned before it was covered. Large bandages hid what Raven imagined to be much larger wounds on Abby’s left thigh and the left side of her torso.

“I’m sorry.” The hoarse whisper was accompanied by tears streaming down Abby’s face as she reached to take Raven’s hand. “I’m so sorry.” Raven didn’t know what Abby was apologising for, but it didn’t matter. Placing a single finger to Abby’s lips, she used her other hand to smooth the lines in Abby’s forehead, soothing her with whispered words as stillness overtook the room.

“Tell me she’s going to be okay.” Raven pleaded with Jackson across the bed, her voice low, head turned from Abby.

“We’ll need to monitor these wounds carefully, her risk of infection is high, but I’m confident we can treat it if it comes to that.” Jackson turned his head, appealing to Nyko who nodded once. His facial expression gave nothing away.

After Jackson cleaned and bandaged the last visible wound and assessed Abby’s vitals, he, Lincoln, Nyko, and Bellamy transferred Abby to a clean bed and wheeled her into the office adjacent to the medical bay.

“You need to rest, Raven, but I don’t expect you to leave her.” Jackson spoke over his shoulder as he wheeled a second bed into the office and pushed it up against Abby’s, locking the wheels in place. “You won’t be any good to her if you’re tired and in more pain than necessary. I’ll be right next door if you need anything and I’ll be making regular checks, but you need sleep.”

Jackson’s words were orders, instructions laced with care and concern which she intended to heed as soon as she was sure Abby was okay. Sitting on the second bed, she swung her legs up onto it, cringing as she rolled herself over to face Abby. She reached out to hold one of Abby’s hands between her own and smoothed her thumbs against the grazed skin.

Abby’s eyes opened, taking a moment to focus as she looked first at their joined hands before shifting to meet Raven’s gaze. Raven’s heart hurt at the sadness she saw there, the utter despair in the eyes which usually held so much hope.

“I’m sorry.” Abby smiled despite herself, voice week and wavering as she continued. “I failed. I couldn’t get what we needed.” Tears pooled at the bridge of Abby’s nose before spilling over and soaking into the pillow beneath her head.

“Hey. Stop. You’re here. That’s all I care about, Abby. I was so scared I-” Raven’s voice trailed off. She was unable to say the words which had been playing on her mind for hours on end. “I was so scared, but you’re here and we’re going to make sure you’re okay.”

Abby nodded, chin wobbling as she pressed her lips together in an attempt at steadying her emotions. Bringing Abby’s hand to her lips, Raven placed a kiss to Abby’s finger before leaning over and placing another one to her forehead.

“You need to sleep, Abs. I’m going to be right here when you wake up, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’m not letting you out of my sight again.” Abby’s lips contorted into a pained smile and she nodded her head.

The two lay facing each other, eyes locked. Abby’s lids were heavy, eyes closing for longer each time until she finally succumbed to exhaustion. Raven watched her, observing the rise and fall of Abby’s chest, observing the pulse which throbbed in her neck. She watched until she was sure each of those things would continue on their own, until she was convinced they didn’t depend on her observing them. Raven stroked her thumb over Abby’s knuckles, dry and bruised, until she was unable to keep her own eyes open either.

Throughout the day and well into the night she woke each time Abby stirred, each time Jackson came in to check on her, each time there was a noise outside the confines of their room. When Jackson came to change the bandages on Abby’s larger wounds later the next day, Raven swallowed against the bile which rose in the back of her throat, Abby reaching for her hand.

“Reapers. Two of them. We thought they all would have died by now but,” she shook her head. “Octavia killed them, but they got to me and Sinclair first.”

Abby drifted in and out of fitful sleep after this, limbs twitching occasionally as though she were running from the reapers in her dreams. Raven paced the room for some time before giving into exhaustion once again and curling back up on the bed beside Abby. She held onto her with both hands as she fell asleep, vowing not to let anyone or anything hurt her ever again.

When Raven awoke hours later, it was a moment before she realised the bed beside her was empty, panic encasing her heart in ice as she leapt from her bed, groaning in agony as she and charged towards the door separating the office from the medical bay.

“Raven, stop.” Jackson reached out to place a hand against her chest as she limped across the room, eyes ablaze in fear.

“Where is she? What’s happened to her?” Raven’s voice demanded the information in a tone which was foreign to her, the sound tearing at her throat.

“Raven. She’s fine. Still in pain, of course, but she’s fine. Kane held an emergency meeting of the Council and when Abby heard Bellamy mention it to Sinclair she insisted I let her out for the hour. I tried to convince her not to go, but you know what she’s like. She’ll be back shortly.” Jackson held Raven’s shoulders firmly as he spoke, her chest heaving as she struggled to steady her breaths.

“I’m sorry I scared you.” Abby limped into the bay, a crutch under her left arm. “I didn’t want to wake you.” Her trademark smirk was gracing her features and Raven felt her face reform itself into a grin.

“We’re a fine pair, you and I, aren’t we?” Abby gestured to her thigh, the largest of all the wounds, and the cause of the majority of her blood loss, freshly bandaged. Extending her right hand, Abby reached for Raven’s left, lacing their fingers together before speaking over her shoulder to Jackson.

“We have some things to discuss, Jackson. I don’t want to be disturbed.” She glances sideways at Raven as they limped together towards the door and, heat prickling at her cheeks, Raven looked back at Jackson to see him offer her a wink.

Leading Raven into the office, Abby walked them over to the desk she was often seated at late into the night. So many eveneings, Raven had found her here, hunched over her work, reading and re-reading notes in order to make the best decisions for her patients. There had been many nights in which Abby didn’t eat unless Raven brought her food, and the two would sit together in silence, Raven sketching away at new plans to improve the structure they lived in, while Abby worked to improve the lives of the people inside it.

Pushing aside a pile of patient files, Abby motioned for Raven to sit.

“You should be sitting, Abby, I’m fine.” Raven fussed about, reaching for Abby’s hips and attempting to reverse their positions. Abby let Raven take more of her weight than the crutch under her arm and paused to look at the woman before her.

“You sit down and keep your hands right there and I’ll be just fine.” Abby’s face shifted into a half smile at the blush rising in Raven’s cheeks. Nodding, Raven sat on the desk, its height removing any difference between her and Abby. Unsure about reaching out to touch Abby again, Raven curled her fingers around the edge of the desk, gripping it to distract herself from the cacophony of emotions colliding inside her.

“See, I figured this would be about right.” Abby’s voice was barely above a whisper as she stepped into Raven. She motioned with a hand to the top of Raven’s head and then the top of her own, indicating they were the same height, before bringing her hand back down. Abby rested it against Raven’s shoulder, stroking over skin left bare by the cut off shirt Raven was wearing.

“Did Jackson say something to you?” Raven thought about the man’s question shortly before Abby was brought in.

Bringing both hands up, Abby rested them against Raven’s cheeks and placed a kiss to Raven’s forehead before dipping her head to meet Raven’s gaze.

“He said a lot of things. None of them anything you should be concerned by.”

Raven chest filled with warmth and anticipation as she looked at Abby. Raven didn’t know what Abby wanted to talk about, but she had so many things she wanted to say and her tongue felt heavy inside her mouth as she considered which words to start with. She was afraid of scaring Abby away.

“Abby, I don’t-” the words came barrelling out of her in a panic and Raven regretted having opened her mouth at all.

“Shhh.” Abby smiled, placing a finger to Raven’s lips as Raven had done to her two days before. “You don’t have to say anything, okay? I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and there are things I should have said before I left for Mt Weather, things I spent hours upon hours regretting when I wondered if I was going to see you again.” Abby forced a smile despite the tell-tale wobble of her chin.

Raven uncurled her hands from the edge of the desk and reached out to place her hands on Abby’s hips. Her mind and her heart were racing, and she watched as Abby breathed deeply, trying to control the way her chest rose and fell as if she’d just run all the way from Mt Weather.

“I think you and I have always been really quite good at skirting around the things we mean to say.” Abby smiled, and Raven felt herself relax as Abby’s thumbs stroked lightly at her cheeks.

“I guess it’s easier that way. Less risk, you know?” Raven whispered as though the door behind them were open, as though she were attempting to avoid the prying ears of an audience.

“I do. But while I was out there, Raven, I thought of all the other risks we’ve taken and what we’ve gained. I don’t want to hide behind words anymore. The morning we left to go to Mt Weather, when you said goodbye, when you hugged me, I thought you were going to-“

“Kiss you?” Raven breathed the words, finishing Abby’s sentence. Abby swallowed, nodding her head as she waited for Raven to fill in the blanks. “I nearly did.”

“What stopped you?” Abby stepped closer as Raven tightened the grip on her hips.

Raven looked down at Abby’s feet. Abby rested her weight on her right leg as she stood between Raven’s, and Raven breathed out a laugh which was full of the nerves which were fighting for control of her heart and her head.

Abby adjusted her hands, one coming to rest against Raven’s arm, and the other at her jaw, urging Raven to look back up at her.

“What is it?” Abby’s smile was full of amusement, but there was concern in her eyes which Raven knew she needed to eradicate.

“So you know how I’m awesome and a genius and my brain could have powered The Ark if only we’d had the right cables?” She smirked, her confidence growing as Abby stepped closer yet again.

Abby’s eyebrows knitted together. She smiled, despite the pain she was feeling and nodded her head.

“Well, I have a small confession. I’m kind of a mess around pretty girls,” Raven smiled, biting her lower lip as Abby laughed before immediately clutching her side. Raven moved her hand upward, placing it over the bandage which bulged beneath Abby’s top.

“You’re beautiful, Abby.” Raven smiled at the way the words felt as she released them, words she had held onto for so long in fear of ruining whatever it was between them. Abby’s eyes lit up and Raven was sure she could see the beginning of tears forming in their corners.

Abby exhaled a breath neither knew she’d been holding and stroked a hand over Raven’s cheeks again, forcing her to maintain eye contact as she continued.

“If I’m honest, it’s kind of overwhelming being this close to you.” Raven shook her head at her own admission, heat rising in her cheeks yet again. Abby smirked.

“Do you want me to move, is this not okay?” Abby leaned onto the crutch under her arm for the first time since they had been speaking. Taking a step back, she raised her eyebrows.

Raven reached to grab Abby’s hand, careful not to pull her off balance as she drew Abby back toward her. Raven shook her head. “Stay right here.”

“What do you need?” Abby ran her thumb over Raven’s jaw as her fingers found their way to Raven’s neck. Raven’s breath hitched in her throat.

“I need you to kiss me.” The words left her in a rush. Laughing at herself as her nerves doubled at the way Abby stared at her lips, Raven continued. “I just also need you to know that when you do I’m probably going to go into some kind of sensory overl-”

Abby silenced Raven with a kiss which was well overdue. The crutch fell to the ground and the two smiled against each other’s lips at the sound of it hitting the floor before pulling each other back in again. Raven could feel Abby’s fingers in the back of her hair as her own roamed Abby’s back, careful not to place too much pressure on wounds which were far from healed.

Raven pulled back when she felt wetness against her cheek and realised Abby was crying.

“I’m okay. These are good tears, okay? You’re not the only one overwhelmed by this.” Abby smiled, wiping at her cheeks and rolling her eyes at herself. “I was just really scared that if something had happened to me you wouldn’t know how I felt, how important you are to me.”

Raven stood then, her arms wrapping around Abby’s waist, holding her firmly. Abby wrapped her arms around Raven’s neck, head tilting slightly as she looked up at her.

“I was prepared to sell us to you, Raven. I was prepared to give you a thousand reasons we should let this happen when I knew there were probably a thousand things telling you we shouldn’t.” Abby closed her eyes as Raven moved closer, their foreheads resting together.

“There were a thousand things, Abby, but none of them mattered when I thought I’d lost you. Before that, I was content being in love with you and telling myself it didn’t matter if you loved me back.”

“Me too.” Abby pulled back to look Raven in the eyes, her stare penetrating as deeply as her words. Raven felt her heart swell.

Reaching a hand to Abby’s cheek, Raven held her gaze for a long moment before leaning in to kiss her again. Their _I love yous_ were whispered between kisses and their tears mingled against their cheeks until neither were able to tell whose had fallen first.


End file.
